She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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