I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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