Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
