I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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