you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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