Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
