that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
two words...techno handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
