She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
