jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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