if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just forgot I was standing up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
