Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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