I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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