Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
