that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
