Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
