I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
