ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
