i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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