o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
