I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
