He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
