If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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