so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
