Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
