so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
