apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
