I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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