i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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