I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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