People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
