OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
