Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
