but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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