Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
