I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
