Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
