You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
