my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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