So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
