We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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