Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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