He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
