watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
