If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
