did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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