i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
