I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
