are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
