the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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