It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
