im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
