omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got inside last night via doggy door
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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