no, he came in my armpit
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
