While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
