Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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