So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
