woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
