Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
